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In this deeply moving conversation, Carrie Breen reflects on her life as a mother and the profound loss of her son, Sam, who died by suicide. Carrie shares her journey from raising a large family with six children, navigating the unique challenges of parenting a free-spirited child like Sam, to the painful realization that despite her love and efforts, she could not save him from his struggles. Sam was a vibrant and curious child, full of energy, mischief, and deep emotions, but as a teenager, he began battling substance abuse, depression, and self-harm. Despite many efforts to get him professional help, including counseling and rehab, Sam eventually lost his battle with addiction and mental health. Carrie candidly shares the heartbreaking details of the day she learned of Sam’s passing, describing the immense pain and disbelief that followed.
Throughout the conversation, Carrie emphasizes the stigma that often accompanies suicide and the importance of keeping Sam’s memory alive beyond that single, tragic decision. She explains how her faith has been a crucial source of strength, helping her cope with her grief, and how she is working toward healing while keeping Sam’s memory present in her family’s life. Carrie’s story highlights the complexities of grief, the challenge of finding joy amid sadness, and the importance of speaking openly about loss. Her journey of healing serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring love of a mother.
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It was 11:02pm. And it was Dale’s phone calling me. It was his friend. She found him in his apartment, and basically told me that he was in really bad shape. He was really hurt. I asked if she could help him, and she said, “No, I can’t.” And I just said, “Help him! Why can’t you help?”
I couldn’t even comprehend what she was trying to tell me. And a police officer got on the phone and confirmed who I was and then confirmed the news that Dale was gone. And so there I was in my hotel room, out of town, by myself.
“I often refer to myself as a recovering distracted driver. In the summer of 2016, I was as bad as anyone—steering with my knee, drinking coffee with one hand, and holding my phone with the other, thinking I was doing it safely. That all changed in an instant when I got the phone call about Mitchel. He was just a month into college, driving on a clear, dry morning, when a distracted driver rear-ended his car. It was preventable. It’s devastating to think how one glance at a phone can end a life.”
We’re all going to get damaged in some way. And we know that going into this, whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, nobody walks away from this job unscathed. They just don’t. And I think that recognizing that early on can help prepare you for the inevitable difficulties you’re going to face down the line.
“People view it as they were in control, that it wasn’t dealt to them, they dealt it onto themselves. And I don’t think we know enough about mental health and the strength it has in making those decisions. It’s not about being weak. It’s not about not being loved. It’s about fighting a daily battle, a battle most people don’t understand.”
“When you have a child that dies, you’re desperately afraid that they’re going to be forgotten.
When you have a child that dies by suicide, you’re so afraid that they’re going to be reduced to that one decision that they made that one moment in time.”
